Looking back on last year, I realised that my fear of not being able to produce good work is actually the biggest impediment. With a crippling fear mindset, it’s hard to even get started. But most of the time, it turns out that it isn’t that bad when you actually start.
I have to overcome the inertia that prevents me from starting, and just do it anyway. The source of all this pressure I give myself is my perfectionism. Hard to kick a habit/personality trait ingrained in me for years, but I’ve got to…start.
Another thing I am afraid of not being able to do but also know I have to do (classic conundrum that appears everywhere in my thoughts zzz) is to detach more from my work and not invest so much of my heart/self/identity/purpose into the work I do. I am not my work.
Especially important when working in creative industry and the combination with my tendency to seek purpose in every aspect of my life – good obviously, but not so good in the harsh reality of the working world.
Repeat again: I am not my work and my work does not define my worth.
A year to focus on building my professional self, which I’ve long neglected in light of other more unfortunate/pressing matters in life.
“So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.”
– Jim Carrey
Been thinking about this stuff a lot, so I’ll leave this quote up here for a while.
A means of expressing and articulating well-researched ideas that solve a problem for people
I’ve had at least ten different blogs, jumping across different platforms like Blogger, LiveJournal and Tumblr, but this is my first WordPress. Set up this mainly because I have had enough of feeling uninspired, and after a night of insomnia yesterday. The long running struggle of finding employment after graduation has hit me really hard. I’m trying as hard not to bow down to defeat and the helplessness that threatens to suffocate me.
In return, I try to create.
I’ve had different blogs and URLs for different purposes – travelogues, my writing portfolio, and photography collections. Everything felt like a showcase and was rather restrained. Even my personal Tumblr which has been with me for the last seven years has now become a mood board because I’m finding it increasingly hard to get personal there for some reason.
So this is a secret space, not for the ranting of feelings (save that for my old school paper journal) but to give myself writing prompts and make conscious reflection about human life. It shall be less restrained than portfolios and showcases, but not as personal as a diary or blog.
The purpose of this is to constantly polish my writing and thinking skills, and to encourage myself to create more consciously.
I never want to stop trying. I won’t give up.